


now there's always time (calling for me)

by calcipoet



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Monsta X Bingo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-09-26 01:36:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9856217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calcipoet/pseuds/calcipoet
Summary: “Do you remember this song?” he continued, turning his head to his left, and focusing his gaze on the man next to him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> beautiful art by [Rei](https://www.instagram.com/410raina/), check her out! she does amazing art  
> and thank you for [appiepeach](https://twitter.com/appiepeach) and [peachrabbit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachrabbit/pseuds/peachrabbit) for helping me with this ;;
> 
> written for MX Bingo prompt: Idol Life

 

It was a little past midnight and the dorm was quiet, save for the constant soft snoring sound from their bedrooms and faint buzzing from the fridge. The members and managers were all fast asleep; fatigue finally caught up with them after a long, hectic week of their schedule, especially with their comeback just around the corner.

 

In one of the bedroom, Hoseok stirred from his sleep, feeling the urge to pee after chugging down a pint of water a few hours prior. He groggily stood up and headed straight to the bathroom, missing the empty bed on his left and a figure sitting absentmindedly on the couch. 

 

To say he was startled upon realising someone was in their living room was an understatement. Hoseok was so ready to punch whoever it was in the face, only to realise the intruder was not exactly an intruder. It was just Hyunwoo, sitting alone in a dimly lit living room, iPod on his hand, and earphone plugged in.

 

"What are you doing?" Hoseok plopped down on the empty spot next to Hyunwoo. The latter seemed to be in a deep thought that Hoseok action snapped him out of his trance. 

 

"I couldn't sleep," Hyunwoo muttered after a while, taking one of his earphones off and fiddling with it, "and I thought some music would help me sleep?" he continued. 

 

Hoseok made a non-committal humming sound, wiggling his body to situate himself to a more comfortable position. He then took the earphone Hyunwoo was fiddling with, not knowing what to say but feel far too awake to go back to sleep and plugging it in his ear. The song had just started and a doleful guitar melody flowed through his ears.

 

A few minute had passed and silence fell between the two as they got immersed in their own thought. Being alone with Hyunwoo reminded Hoseok about his worries about the younger. Hoseok might not be the most observant in their group, but he knew his group-mates well enough to notice things, especially when something was off. This particular something happened to be Hyunwoo's behaviour as of late. How he hadn't been himself for the past few weeks. Something was bothering the leader and it affected him more than he let on. 

 

Hyunwoo wasn't exactly the talkative type among their group. He would say what he needed to say, but if his opinion wasn't required, he would let the other to do the talking. It was not that he did not have something to say -- sometimes he struggled to find the right words to express his opinion but more often than not; he was content to be the listener.

 

He wasn't the type to openly talk about his problems; taking inputs from his members was never an option he considered. Hoseok knew it wasn't because Hyunwoo was too prideful, that wasn’t Hyunwoo. Hyunwoo simply never wanted his members to worry about him. He encouraged the other talk to him when they needed help, but he forgot that he was a human himself and that it was okay to seek for help. 

 

The last couple of weeks Hyunwoo had been a little bit too distracted and on edge, getting jumpy when someone called his name. He looked restless, his complexion was bad, the shadow under his eyes was getting more prominent and visible each day, his gaze was hollow, his usually chubby cheeks seemed to have sunken, and his body was tensed all the time. When he smiled, it never reached his eyes, and there was an alarm blaring in Hoseok's head because Hyunwoo's smile always reached his eyes. 

 

Initially, Hoseok brushed that off as stressed from comeback preparations, sometimes it got to them, one way or another, but they recover from it pretty quickly.  Hyunwoo's condition had been going on for weeks too long for it to be their usual pre-comeback stress. 

 

Hoseok knew asking Hyunwoo directly about the matter would be futile, that was why he never did it. However, Hyunwoo showed no sign of bouncing back and Hoseok couldn't take his leader being gloomy and far too quiet any longer. 

 

He was thinking different ways of asking Hyunwoo when he noticed the same song had been playing since he put the earphone on. He wasn't really paying attention earlier, absentmindedly listening to the song while his mind was elsewhere. Only now he realised the light voice singing along to the sad melody. 

 

"Hyunwoo, how long have you been awake?" Hoseok asked his company, who flinched at his question.

 

"A while", The answer came as a soft whisper, the kind that kids used when they caught doing something bad.

 

"Did you sleep at all?" Hoseok glanced, eyes scanning the other’s face. Hyunwoo's eyes were bloodshot and his eyelids looked heavy. Hyunwoo hadn't slept, Hoseok quickly deducted. 

 

"I did," Hyunwoo paused, "Or at least I tried," Hyunwoo said proving Hoseok's judgment. 

 

“Have you been listening to this since then?” Hoseok tried his best not to sound accusing nor patronising; he voiced his question as soft as possible. Hyunwoo tended to switch back to his close off self when he felt like being lectured, and Hoseok definitely didn’t want that. He wanted to know what was causing Hyunwoo to be in complete disarray. 

 

“Uh huh,” Hyunwoo hummed. “Do you remember this song?” he continued, turning his head to his left, and focusing his gaze on the man next to him. 

 

“It sounds familiar, but I can’t put a name to it," Hoseok turned his head, meeting the other’s eyes. Hyunwoo's eyes were tired from the lack of sleep, and his hair was dishevelled as if Hyunwoo were running his hand through it several times. 

 

"Caffeine," It took a while for Hoseok to understand the meaning of the word, but Hyunwoo made it clear for him. "Our first group mission during No Mercy," he finished his sentence with a heavy sigh.

 

And it hit him right there and then. In that exact moment, Hoseok knew, precisely, what had been disturbing Hyunwoo all this while. He was surprised that he didn't think of it sooner.

 

"Hyunwoo --" Hoseok couldn't finish his sentences as Hyunwoo beat him.

 

"Your group performed it for the mission and you rearranged the song," Hyunwoo kept going as he leaned back, head now resting on the back of the couch. "You made the song yours, you helped the other when they couldn't get something right. You knew how to lead the team--you knew when you could be their friends, and when you had to assert your power."

 

Hoseok was quiet the whole time. He listened to what Hyunwoo said--that was what he wanted anyway--for Hyunwoo to spill what was bothering him. He could hear the sadness and frustration in Hyunwoo's voice. Hyunwoo's tenor voice, which was usually light and almost deadpan, was heavy with desperation. His eyes were shut, as though he did that to prevent Hoseok from seeing flashes of emotions that might show, as if emotions were something utterly forbidden for him to have. 

 

"I saw you practicing, you know. You taught Gunhee when he couldn't get the move right. You taught him step by step until he could do it while you were monitoring the others. You watched them closely, each and every single one of them, and you worked twice as hard as the other," Hyunwoo finished his speech; his voice wavered at the end. 

 

"Did you forget the part where I put my team performance on the line because I hurt my vocal chords?" Hoseok gently asked, eyes never leaving Hyunwoo's feature. 

 

"You bounced back pretty quickly after that, and your performance was so good. Good is an understatement, it was near perfect." Hyunwoo paused, taking a deep breath. “I was so upset back then, not because you did well, but because I failed to draw the maximum potential from my group. The judge couldn't even figure who was the main vocal; we didn’t distribute our lines wisely. I was too full of myself, too confident that we would do well. I was too scared to push them to their limit. We could do better than that, but we didn’t because I didn’t do what I should do,” Hyunwoo ran his hand through his hair before massaging his temple. 

 

Hoseok kept his silence, he had a feeling that Hyunwoo hadn’t finished pouring his heart out. He watched as Hyunwoo’s hand moved from his temple to his thigh, resting there. Hyunwoo had always been aloof, barely showing any of his feelings, to the point that some people might think he was incapable of feelings and void of emotions.

 

"My hesitation got—” Hyunwoo's voice trembled at the end. He was going to continue his sentence, but Hoseok cut him.

 

"It wasn't your fault. None of that was your fault. You had given your best", Hoseok was quick to say it; his hand was resting on top of Hyunwoo's when he saw Hyunwoo clenching and unclenching the fabric of his pants where his hands were resting.

 

“It’s just frustrating,” Hyunwoo spoke through gritted teeth, the voice he was making sounds raw and raspy. “I feel that this is partially my fault that we haven’t been able to get our 1st win yet. They should’ve kept you as the leader instead of passing it down to me. You would do so much better,” Hyunwoo finished his sentences with a sigh. 

 

“Hyunwoo, we’ve talked about this,” Hoseok replied. "They have their reasons and considerations why they passed it to you."

 

"I am not capable enough, Hoseok. I-I am not the person they thought I was," Hyunwoo's hands were tense, the grip on his short tightening until his knuckles turned white.

 

"Hyunwoo," Hoseok voice was a soft whisper in the dead of night, "what makes you think you are incapable?”

 

“I am too quiet. It’s always Minhyuk or you who lead the mood or do the talking, which I am thankful for, because God knows how messy would it be if it was left to me.” Hyunwoo paused for a while. “But it reminds me of how useless I am, how I rely too much on you. It is as if I bear the title, but you do the work, and it’s eating me inside.” 

 

Hyunwoo’s voice shook nearing the end; all pent up emotions were surfacing and he had a hard time containing it. He wanted to be angry, he wanted to be sad, but none of those would really help in the long run. 

 

“Hyunwoo,” Hoseok began, hand now intertwining with Hyunwoo’s, “you’ve been doing a great job. You are not useless.”

 

Hyunwoo opened his mouth to argue with Hoseok, but Hoseok was quick to retorts, “No, listen to me, Hyunwoo,” Hoseok said. “You are doing a great job. Sure, you are quiet, but that doesn’t make you an incapable leader. Being a leader is so much more than doing the talking and setting the mood right, and I know you are fully aware of that.

 

“You are our shield, our protector,” Hoseok gingerly continued his speech when Hyunwoo kept quiet, looking pensive in his seat. “ You stand between the company and us; you take the first beating from the company before you deliver the news to us, and that’s not an easy task to do.

 

“Sure, if I were the leader it would be different. I would be stricter than you; I would push the others to their limits, but I would also risk our well-being because I wouldn’t know when to stop, and that’s something you have in you, to know when to stop,” Hoseok continued. “Remember when I said I put my team performance in line because I overworked myself, and it affected my vocal chords? That’s one concrete sample of not knowing when to stop.”

 

When Hoseok finished his little speech, Hyunwoo’s eyes were on him. His expression was unreadable, but Hoseok could see the exasperation as clear as a day. 

 

“You’ve been shouldering this responsibility all alone while it is essentially your job as a leader. It’s okay to share some of it with us. We lean on you a lot of times and you’ve always been there when we need help. Now, let us return the favour,” Hoseok squeezed Hyunwoo’s hand, a small offer for comfort should the leader needed it. 

 

“Thank you,” Hyunwoo said after a while; his eyes were glassy with unshed tears and his voice was small for someone with his build. However, his body was no longer tense--it was as if the burden had been lifted up from his shoulder, or more precisely, he was no longer alone in shouldering his responsibility. 

 

“So tell me, what’s been bothering you, Hyunwoo?” Hoseok offered to Hyunwoo. 

 

And so they talked about everything, about their upcoming comeback stage, about the best way to comfort their maknae when he couldn’t get the dance move right, or simple things like what should they make Kihyun cook for their dinner tomorrow. 

 

The brief exchange with Hoseok earlier had reminded him once again that he was not alone, that he got six people to turn to when he needed help, or at least he got Hoseok, that much he knew. 

 

— — — 

  
When Kihyun woke up the next morning and went to the bathroom, he was greeted by a sight of two of their oldest sleeping on the couch, still sharing the earphone with their hands intertwining. He decided to let them sleep a while longer, only after snapping a picture with his iPad because the rest of the member should definitely see this, and because sleeping Hyunwoo and Hoseok were too cute not to be documented.

**Author's Note:**

> I DID IT! I FINALLY FINISHED MY FIRST BINGO ENTRY AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH  
> okay now I'm gonna go back to my cave to finish the rest


End file.
